ain’t that good news

I spent the first part of this afternoon listening to BBC World Service reports on the state of our world.

I’m tempted to not make that mistake again. At least, not ’til things are brighter.

Not that good news cannot be gleaned from recent world events. With a bit of effort.

Hence, dear reader, I present a few reasons to be cheerful.

Like, um, let’s see…

The VMAs are done for another year.

Justin Bieber is back! That may not seem like good news, but it was bound to happen eventually. Now, as with the VMAs, the threat-level can again be downgraded. Move on, people; nothing to see here.

There is a street in Ottawa called Mancini Way. There is also a Mancini Park, which, I like to think, is host to a Pink Panther or perhaps a baby elephant festival each summer. Now, if we could just add a Morricone Square or a Schifrin Alley to the surrounding neighbourhood, Barrhaven’s property values — and coolness factor — would surely skyrocket. Comparatively speaking. (But then, we’re still waiting for New Edinburgh’s Electric Street to make the necessary adjustment to its suffix.)

Canada is (or has been) mired in an economic recession. Again, this might not sound like good news to you. But then, you’re not running for prime minister.

It turns out there is a limit to the size of Kanye West’s ego. True, he announced this week he will be seeking the office of President of the United States of America in 2020. But you have to think the old Kanye would not have discounted his chances for victory in 2016. Either he is reluctant to challenge Clinton and, uh, Trump (’cause you have to figure he’ll be running as an independent) or he has for once listened to the advice of others.

A supermoon lunar eclipse is due to happen this month. Not sure what that is, but if it’s half as exciting as a ‘walk-off home run,’ which I also knew nothing about until today, it is good news indeed.

The City of Ottawa is to make available to apartment-dwellers thousands of brand-spanking-new reusable bags, in an effort to encourage recycling and to discourage good citizens from transporting their recyclables in existing reusable containers.

McDonald’s announced it is to introduce all-day breakfast, to the delight of hungover late-risers everywhere.

Australia is poised to launch its first killer robot, the better to eliminate starfish from our aquatic ecosystem.

Wait, that’s not good news at all — especially for starfish.

But hey, we were on a bit of a roll there for a while.

You knew it couldn’t last.