on the couch

Enter the second round of the NHL playoffs. Excitement is not the word for it.

But I like to think we’ve all learned a few things from watching the first round.

Things like, um…

The Canadian Armed Forces totally rock!

Referees do not.

Chevrolet believes actors to be less than human. It’s right there in the ads: “Real people… not actors.” It may seem a bold move, but no doubt the Canadian-job-killing GM has concluded that professional actors are unlikely to be able to afford to buy a new Chevy, so it’s a demographic they can afford to offend. This mentality also works with bass players. And, seemingly, former GM employees.

Surprisingly, it now takes a minimum of four men to discuss hockey between periods. These skilled commentators and Toronto Maple Leafs supporters are capable of engaging in discussion both sitting and standing. (Though they appear far more at ease while seated.) Back in the day, such pithy back-and-forth discussion could be handled by as few as two NHL experts. Or, in a pinch, one NHL expert and Bob Cole. Desperate times, eh?

There is still no better example of crowd participation at a sporting event than the hometeam fans’ slow and sarcastic chant of the opposing goaltender’s name. (Well, perhaps one thing: the hometeam fans’ sarcastic burst of applause when their goalie stops a rink-length dribbler after letting in a soft goal or two.) I’d like to one day see that level of sarcasm applied to other spectator events. Why not chant the name of the opening act at a show to try to throw them off their game? Don’t like that bit-player in the latest threatrical production at the NAC? His or her name is right there in the program. Start chanting.

And speaking of sarcasm, it seems the third party has found a clever way to adhere to its vow to not ‘go negative’ during the coming federal election campaign, while dodging the tricky matter of finding the means to go positive. The Liberals are instead navigating a third way: going sarcastic. Today, it’s singing the praises of Stephen Harper. Tomorrow, it’s wide open. “Justin Trudeau truly loves each and every Canadian,” perhaps. It’s all in the delivery.

Which, of course, brings us to the other thing we’ve learned during the playoffs: Stephen Harper truly loves each and every Canadian. So much so, we’ll pay him to tell us about it.

Comforting. Too bad the refs are being more selective.

Maybe they’re not real people either, eh?